Monday, January 7, 2008 - Don’t Sir Me!
I’m driving alone in my convertible. It’s the weekend. I’ve got nothing to do, and all day to do it! I’m feeling very good about things. One of those “It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sun shiny day” days in Southern California. Very typical weather for us spoiled Angelinos! Cool driving music on. Rock and roll with lots of ringing guitars, and cool bass lines, too! I think it was Lenny Kravitz or someone funky like that. Got on some really cool Ray Bans I bought from Costco. Actually just came from 7-11. I’m sippin’ on a medium Coca-Cola Slurpee, a spicy Slim Jim on the other hand, and a medium-sized bag of pork rinds waiting on my lap. Not the regular kind, but the orange-colored, spicy one that leaves orange powdery pieces all over your shirt.
Just driving alone, minding my own business. Surrounded by all kinds of cars, with different types of drivers. An older middle-aged woman on her PT Cruiser passes to my left. A white Ford truck zooms by my right, driven by a couple of young kids. I notice their dirt bikes in the back of the truck, strapped down with chains and bungee cords. A very head-thumpin’ ride indeed! Then the music changes to another cool song! “No need to change stations,” I thought.
Then a nice looking young “chick” on a shiny new BMW drives by to my left and gives me a glance. She’s also driving alone. She must be no more than twenty-one, twenty-two years old, and very attractive. I would go as far as “hot” at this point. She’s a brunette, with thick long hair, wearing one of those oversized designer sunglasses. Probably a Gucci purchased at a mall, unlike my Ray Bans. She looks young and innocent, yet with her long hair and sunglasses, she looks sophisticated and ready for action. I don’t feel that far off, being in my early thirties. And when has age really mattered, anyway?
Of course, I glance back. You always “feel” someone’s glance, no matter who gives it to you. And of course, you have to look. You have to. The only ones that don’t look are those who think they are God’s gift to the opposite sex. You know who you are! Oh, and sorry, but in Southern California “opposite” doesn’t necessarily apply. Sorry, but I have to tell it like it is!
We stop at a red light, and now she is behind the car to my left. I look at my left side-view mirror to glance, but not quite obviously. You have to play that “I’m cool-and I’m too important to look at you-but I will still look anyway” game. In the sales world, they call it a “take-away”.
We keep passing each other as we stop and go through passing green and red lights. In my mind, I say: “whoa, we must be going to the same place.” Then another thought enters: “Cool, I like what I’m wearing today, too. I’m also glad I put on the “Ice” gel, not the cheaper, weaker “I can’t even remember” brand. We keep driving by each other. I glance, and then she glances back, and vice-versa. I’m feeling even better now. Like Quagmire on Family guy would say: Awwlllll riiight!!!
Then we finally stop together at a red light. I look to my left, not quite at her direction, but towards the cars crossing in front of us. This was a big intersection, with at least three lanes on each side. I thought: “It’s going to be a long wait for the green light, maybe more than a minute.” Then I feel her glance again. This time, I turn my head completely around, giving her my “complete and undivided’ attention. She leans towards me with her shy innocence, her hand on the passenger seat, and says: “Excuse me Sir, can you tell me where Whittier Boulevard is?” I say: “Oh, it’s a couple of blocks away, straight ahead. Can’t miss it.” Then she nods, says “thanks”, closes her window and looks straight ahead as if I was some kind of a threat.
What a downer! Suddenly it wasn’t such a sun shiny day! It was my first and most memorable “Sir”! An ultimate blow to the ego! A day ruiner! Suddenly the pork rinds didn’t taste so good! The Slurpee became a flat cola! It was a “Swinger” movie-ending moment! Back to life, back to you know what! A four-letter word called reality. An a-ha, life-is-changing moment! I won’t dare call it a “senior” moment, but it truly was, in every sense of the word!
That forgettable event happened probably close to ten years ago. I’ve been “Sirred” many times since, but like they say: “You never forget the first one!”
Next time you have the urge to “Sir” or “Maam” anyone, please remember: “excuse me” will do!
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